Welcome to the fifth annual Academy of Vintage Christmas Ornament Art and Science Awards! To mark this milestone, the founder of the awards ceremony is offering a special feature this year: an up-close look at the guests arriving at the awards ceremony! The guests arrive, of course, by sleigh.
The traffic is bumper to bumper, or runner to runner, as the case may be. You'll recognize Big Pink Hand-painted Santa, winner of the 2009 Best Santa award, in his Big Pink Party Sleigh. Big Pink Santa has been a little obnoxious since winning the award in the inaugural year of the ceremony, but everybody puts up with him because he's so handsome.
Other attendees choose sturdy, unassuming sleighs, like this cardboard sleigh covered with glass glitter. It combines reliability with classic style and that hard-to-beat German engineering. As for the ornament? Let's tune in to the ceremony and see what happens!
This ornament scares the dickens out of the founder. It is paper thin, and the indent is so deep it nearly touches the back of the ornament. (From the judge's notes: "Best indent, certainly, but a worthy nominee for Best Use of Glitter to Represent Snow and Best Flower!") The founder just hopes it survives the after-parties.
Best figural ornament
The mushroom ornament set off a flurry of excitement among the judges. ("Is it new this year?" "Why have we not seen this before?") When the judges learned it had never been in the running because it goes near the top of the tree and has a hard time making it down to the stage to accept the award, they were stunned and vowed to never let the founder plead inconvenience again.
Best organic, locally sourced, sustainable ornament
A tiny silver ornament with raised cherries, and a runner-up, no doubt, for the Best Figural Ornament and the Best New Ornament of the year.
Best organic, locally sourced, sustainable ornament in a supporting role
Some may see an old, chippy ornament. The judges see lovely patina and hand-painted charm.
In a real break from tradition, the judges chose a hand-painted bird over a bird-shaped ornament this year! Guess we know what tomorrow's Twinkle headline will be! (Twinkle is the trade publication for the AOVCOA&S. Kind of like Variety is for the film industry.)
Wow! Maybe tomorrow's Twinkle headline will be "Hand-Painted Ornaments from Poland Sweep Awards!"
Best Shiny Brite
Squiggles, glitter, bells. Pink, Shiny, Brite. Good no matter what three-word combination you choose.
If this cotton batting Santa isn't the oldest ornament on the tree, then he's had a very, very hard life. But the judges think he's pretty old.
Best new ornament
The founder found several of these clip-on candle ornaments this year and wants a lot more of them. The founder is like that.
Lifetime achievement award
The winner of the 2013 Lifetime Achievement Award is worthy just on good looks alone: a sparkling white ball with bits of colored confetti glitter, like a charming snowball. In the hustle and bustle of getting ready for the ceremony, the founder actually stepped on this ornament. She managed to avoid putting her full weight on it, however, and in something of a Christmas miracle, the ornament was spared. If that does not merit a Lifetime Achievement Award, the judges do not know what does.
That about does it for this year's edition of the awards. The Academy would like to take this opportunity to thank you for coming, and to remind you to be careful driving home, especially if you are sharing the road with the Big Pink Party Sleigh. And as always, friends, Merry Christmas!