Oh, how I wish you could be here! The Academy of Vintage Christmas Ornament Arts and Sciences Awards ceremony is not televised (yet), so I will try to convey with words alone the excitement surrounding the awards. Beams of light are sweeping across the tree, illuminating many of this year's nominees, and elfin choirs are entertaining the increasingly restless crowd with songs of the season. I'm hearing a cheer and the jingling of bells - I'm trying to see what's going on - oh! Representatives of Price Waterhouse are taking their seats, signaling that all of the votes have been tabulated and certified, and with that, let the ceremony begin!
Outstanding Performance by an Unsilvered Ornament
Tradition dictates that the first award goes to the unsilvered ornament of the year, and from the reaction of the crowd, it's clear that this true-pink ball with its simple white stenciled trim is a real favorite.
Best Figural Ornament
The aqua teapot with the raised pink rose. (From the judge's notes: "Year after year, we are astonished that any of these teapot ornaments survived, much less with their handles and spouts intact.")
People's Choice Category #1: Best Snowman
Suggested by Linda at A La Carte, the first-ever Snowman Ornament award goes to the stenciled pink Shiny Brite that depicts a snowman on skis. (The crowd is murmuring. Some people are whispering that it looks like a big year for pink. Others are concerned that people unsettled by images of snowmen with legs might stage a walk-out. Nobody seems to be leaving, but there's another envelope being opened.)
People's Choice Category #2: Best Shiny Brite
Whoa! A first in the history of the AOVCOA&S Awards: a double award winner! Ruthann suggested an award for the Best Shiny Brite, and the snowman is (no pun intended) walking off with it. (From the judge: "Our intention is to make the AOVCOA&S Awards a force for social good. Let it be said on this day, with these awards, snowmen with legs are to be considered just as worthy as the more traditional ball-bottom snowmen.")
I don't know about you guys, but this startling development kind of reminds me of the 1973 Academy Awards when Marlon Brando declined the Best Actor Award. I think we're going to move forward and hand out some of the more traditional awards with, I hope, less controversy.
Best Santa
A little worn, but unmelted, the wax Santa is a classic.
Best Indent
No surprises here: This tiny ornament, with its astonishingly deep indent, features not only an all-glitter body but a handpainted poinsettia motif. (Here to present the award is last year's Indent of the Year, the large West German ball with the church, at right.)
At this point in our ceremonies, I'd like to acknowledge everyone who suggested an ornament award category. A few awards could not be included this year because I did not have a suitable nominee, but it is the Academy's hope that they can be included next year. My apologies, therefore, to Jennifer, of Maine, who asked for the Best Deer ornament. Shockingly, I do not have a deer ornament, or at least one worthy of an award, and I am indebted to her for bringing this to my attention.
My lovely friend Tina suggested "the grandest Christmas ornament," and in her honor, I am adding the Best New Ornament of the Year category, although I can't promise it will be grand. Her daughter, Caroline, suggested a category titled: "How is this related to Christmas, again?" I know exactly what she means. And it will be a lot of fun looking for the perfect ornament to answer that question. Along the same lines, Jenny G. suggested "the best ornament too odd to pass up." I saw just such an ornament a week or so ago. In fact, it was so odd I did pass it up, but on my next visit to this store, I intend to spend the 50 cents required to bring it home. There is pretty much no chance in the world that anyone else will buy it in the meantime. It's that odd.
People's Choice Category #3: Best Patina
The judge was absolutely thrilled with Karina's suggestion that an award be given for the ornament with the best patina. This lovely ornament from Poland is old and worn but fairly glows of its own accord, and that's what patina is all about.
Best Bird
This year's winner is a butterscotch-colored bird with a spun-glass tail. (From the judge's notes: "And can you believe it is made of plastic? Maybe celluloid? Gorgeous!")
People's Choice Category #4: Best Foreign Ornament
Suggested by dear Amy of Into Vintage, the winner of the first Best Foreign Ornament award is a tiny Putz sheep. Use it on a tree, in a Putz scene or at the manger, this is just the sweetest sheep around - and it has its country of origin, Germany, stamped on its fragile paper collar.
People's Choice Award #5a: The What Were Those Japanese Thinking? award
As Suzy of georgiapeachez and many others know, some of our most regrettable ornaments were produced in Japan, particularly during the 1960s. For Suzy, I will show the back of this ornament. For People's Choice Award #5b, I will show the front of this ornament, but first, a confession.
As a child, I owned a knee-hugging elf. As an adult, I have collected many a knee-hugging elf. Some of the nicest people I know, like sweet Diane, are knee-hugging elf fans.
But I have sold pretty much every knee-hugging elf I ever owned because I do not like them very much.
Okay, so that's out there. I'm anti-knee-hugging elf. They are definitely not as creepy as clowns, or creepy Santas. But they're disturbing. Those pointy cheeks? And that perpetually gleeful expression? They seem overmedicated to me. I do not have them on my tree. Or readily accessible. But I did seem to remember a few of them hanging around in the attic, and thus I present:
People's Choice Award #5b: Knee-Hugging, Alternative-Lifestyle, Tacky, Expressive Elf
This elf does not even have the decency to wear felt. He's wearing lame. (That's lah-may. As in shiny, cheap fabric. Not lame, rhymes with shame, although when you think about it...) He's not even wearing gold lah-may, he's wearing red lah-may. This knee-hugging elf is for you, Carol at Old Glory Cottage, Celeste and Joy. It's for you, Linda, who asked for tacky. And yes, it's for you, MaryKayAndrews , who requested the "Best Alternative-Lifestyle Oriented Elf with Bendy Legs." Because if a red shiny jumpsuit doesn't suggest alternative lifestyle, I don't want to see what does.
That concludes the People's Choice portion of our awards, and not a moment too soon, if you ask me.
Best Merry Christmas ornament
It doesn't just say Christmas. And it doesn't say Merry at all...
it says Joyous, and that kind of says it all.
Best New Ornament of the Year
It's tiny. It's glittery. It has a spun-head figure on a sleigh with a package.
And she has just a slightly frazzled look on her face, which seems ever so appropriate for the season.
And before we conclude our ceremony, just a word of advice. There are lots of after-parties to attend and cookies to eat, but take it easy on the hot chocolate. There is nothing worse than a hot chocolate hangover. At least that's what the members of the elfin choirs are telling me.
FUN FUN FUN! Followed "Into Vintage" link to see the show..so glad I did! Merry Christmas To All!
Posted by: Rise' McKnight | December 23, 2010 at 12:09 AM
Wonderful, as always! And you always make me feel better about my Shiny-Bright hording tendencies. I only own one knee-hugging elf, though. I kinda felt it was required. I can't wait to see the odd ornament! Merry Christmas!
Posted by: Jenny G. | December 23, 2010 at 04:55 PM
Brought back so many long ago forgotten memories of childhood! The bird! The elf! I can vaguely remember these growing up. Thanks for the stroll down memory lane.
Posted by: Secret Pepper Person | January 01, 2011 at 04:57 PM